Look for a series of grief articles
by Julie Yarbrough over the next
four NTC editions.
North Texas is home to a
national expert on the topic of
grief, Julie Yarbrough. She is an
active laywoman at
Highland ParkUMC and director of Yarbrough
Investments. Recently,
Cokesbury released her series of grief
resources. The UMR sat down with
the author for a Q&A about grief
and to hear her personal story.
Why the title Beyond the
Broken Heart?
In the Bible, we are promised
that we will not grieve forever,
“Very truly I tell you, you will weep
and mourn while the world rejoices.
You will grieve, but your grief
will turn to joy.” (John 16:20 NIV).
We make our way through the
journey of grief as slowly we move
beyond the pain and sorrow of a
broken heart toward transformation
and new life. In the steadfast
love and faithfulness of God, we
find comfort, encouragement and
hope beyond the broken heart.
What will readers receive
from the daily devotions?
In grief it is often difficult
to focus on more than a single
word, thought or idea when we
commune with God each day.
For this reason, the meditations
in Daily Devotions for Your Grief
Journey are intentionally brief. The
365 daily meditations include a
scripture passage, a thought to
consider, a prayer and words of
assurance.
One meditation each week is
devoted to “Rest for Your Soul.”
Because grief is hard work, it is
important to “put it down” from
time to time to rest. Also included
in the devotional
book
are pages
for personal
reflection or
journaling.
What
do you say
to people
whose
response to
grief is “just
get over it”?
Grief can
be stubborn.
It does
not give in
easily to
those urging
us to move
on with our
lives. In
grief, we expect
others
to understand
what
we are feeling.
But only those who grieve
know the depth of their own
personal pain and sorrow. In truth,
admonitions such as “just get
over it” add to our pain because
they deny our loss. Instinctively
we resist every suggestion that we
accelerate our return to life.
Those who insist that we get
on with our life do not always
understand that we may never really
“get over” our grief. To grieve
toward growth beyond the broken
heart, we must forgive the would-be
comforters who try to console
us or urge us on with well-intentioned
words or gestures. This is
the grace of
grief.
Is a
grief discussion
just for
adults?
At some
time, we will
all feel the
sorrow and
pain of grief.
Our human
emotions
— shock,
fear, anger,
sadness —
are common
to grief. They
should be
acknowledged
and discussed when we
struggle with the loss of a loved
one, whatever our age.
The grief of a child, teen or
young adult often seems more
urgent than that of an adult because
of the loss of structure and
security. When a loved one dies,
children need to be assured and
reassured that life will go on. They
depend on the spiritual wisdom
and emotional direction of mature
adults to guide them.
The conversation about grief
with children, teens and young
adults should focus on listening
to what they are feeling. Tender,
thoughtful, well-chosen words that
are age-appropriate and honest
can guide a productive discussion
of pain and loss that ultimately
leads to adjustment, acceptance
and spiritual growth.
Any thoughts on the Colorado
killings and grief?
The tidal wave of grief unleashed
by the tragedy that
unfolded in Aurora, Colo., on
July 20 is, for most of us, simply
unimaginable. When multiple
people die violently, suddenly and
unexpectedly, grief is exponential
in its reach and effect. Immediate
shock co-exists with anger,
outrage, fear, helplessness and a
sense of devastating loss. Those
who die are victims; those who
survive are victims. Death forever
alters those who survive.
When death occurs without
warning, the first question is
always ‘Why?’ As we grieve, we
come face to face with the reality
that we cannot control death —
the when, where, how or why. We
are powerless to change what has
happened and reluctant to accept
that some answers will never be
revealed this side of heaven.
When we survive the death
of one we love, for a while we,
too, may feel like victims. If we
succumb to our anger or sense of
powerlessness, we allow death to
claim more than its share of our
life. It is a milestone on our journey
through grief when we choose
to become survivors. In this moment
of personal triumph we dare
to grow forward into fullness of life
beyond the broken heart.
Had you dealt with grief on a
large scale before your husband,
Dr. Leighton K. Farrell, died?
On Sept. 11, 2001, I was
alone in New York City when the
infamous events of that horrific
day occurred. Like all other Americans,
I was overcome by shock
and dark grief because of the
incomprehensible acts of terrorism.
For me, it was a crash course
in grief, intensified by the sights
and smells and fear that permeated
that seemingly invincible
city. Being in that place on that
day and several days thereafter
was life-altering. It was my first
real encounter with the emotions
and spiritual depth of grief. Yet
even that moment in time did not
prepare me for the devastation of
personal grief.
In 2004, my beloved husband
died 90 days after the sudden
onset of a terminal disease.
He was the great love of my
life. When he died, my heart shattered
into a million small pieces.
For a while, I was certain I would
die of a broken heart. Though my
soul survived largely intact, I found
myself in frightening, unfamiliar
spiritual territory.
Over time, what I learned
about grief is a fundamental truth
of life and death: We must grieve
in order to live. For in life and in
death, God is with us. We are not
alone.
Also at the banquet, 
Dr. Ronald E. Smith, executive
director of the 
